


Pacifica's Day Out

by girrsah



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Character Study, F/F, F/M, Found Family, Instances of Anxiety Attacks, Instances of PTSD, Platonic Relationships, Post canon, Sweet teenage love, and makeovers, girl friendships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-29 14:05:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19401859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girrsah/pseuds/girrsah
Summary: “Well there’s your problem,” He interrupted, “You’re putting the wrong person first.”She stared at the teenager before a tentative smile spread across her face when his words began to sink in. “How much do you think your parents will go for if I convinced Daddy to buy you as my older brother?”--A fic I have owed Probablyfakeblonde for YEARS and finally it's here--





	Pacifica's Day Out

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is only published on Archive of Our Own. If this fic is published on any other site - it is without my knowledge and permission.
> 
> This is to [ProbablyFakeBlonde](https://twitter.com/probfakeblonde) because she's completely and utterly sold me on the idea of Pacifica and Robbie having a sibling relationship and I'll never get over it.
> 
> This is also for [Halloweennut](https://twitter.com/halloween_nut) and [Moonstonedazzle](https://twitter.com/moonstonedazzle) for completing our little post Gravity Falls support group.

“Pacifica, are you sure this is what you want?”

Pacifica Northwest rolled her eyes as she checked her eye makeup in the hall mirror, tempted to simply ignore the question her mother had asked her…was it twelve times now today? Yes, twelve.

She posed for a moment, pleased with her outfit – skinny jeans tucked into faux sheepskin boots and a very trendy violet parka to help her battle the cold. She was tempted to wear a hat to keep herself even warmer but that would induce hat hair and that was a no-go when it came to a mall trip, a trip party (her first casual _teenager_ party that was being thrown without reason except to just have fun as a normal teenager) and following slumber party.

“Yes, Mother,” She eventually sighed out, “Think of it as…charity work.” She turned to look at her mother, considering pointing out that she could see the makings of worry lines but deciding against such a harsh comment, “It’ll look amazing on my college applications.”

Priscilla tapped at her chin, “Helping underprivileged children,” She allowed, “Yes, yes, I think that would work…I mean, your father and I have the connections to get you anywhere you want but…”

A horn blared from outside of their slightly smaller mansion and Pacifica rolled her eyes again, waving at her mother before scooping up her overnight bag and hanging it over her shoulder. “We’ll talk details later! Robbie’s waiting for me! I left Wendy’s number with the butler!”

“Be safe!” Priscilla called after her and Pacifica ignored her as she ran out of the house and down the steps.

It was a ridiculous thing to say after all they’d been through but she wasn’t going to yell that back when she had much more important things to deal with.

Like the smell of Robbie Valentino’s crummy van.

“I thought you were going to clean this gross thing,” She complained while climbing into the older teen’s vehicle and buckling up, the bag being tossed into the back with his junk food wrappers and guitar.

“Hey, you can always get out and go back inside,” Robbie snapped.

Pacifica smiled at that and Robbie smiled back before revving the engine and starting off towards the mall. Pacifica helped herself to his CDs, rifling through his collection eagerly. When she had first sat in this van months ago, he was playing a song that sounded so hurt, angry, and left her hungry for more.

She felt like she was understood and when oh-so-casually telling him that she liked it, he invited her to borrow the CD and go through some of his other ones. She hid the music from her parents since she was certain they would find it as an official crossing of The Line and she would listen to them at night on her father’s old CD player.

She hid a lot of things from her parents these days.

“When is your band going to have a gig?” Pacifica asked.

Robbie snorted, “When we finish practicing the new stuff.”

She nodded at that, understanding the deeper meanings of what he said. He’d written a lot of songs after Weirdmageddon and with the “Never Mind All That” Act, he had to be very deliberate in his ways of talking about it. She’d read the lyrics to most of the songs – they not only gave her a deeper understanding of Robbie but also herself. He wrote about things that she didn’t dare explore from within herself in the darkest hours of the night. His songs faced the monsters that haunted her and shone a light on her fears and worries, making them seem real and manageable.

From the moment she met Robbie, she felt he was a kindred spirit in a way. They both cared about their hair. They both thought the Pines family was cool in a weird, absurd loser way. Their parents didn’t quite understand them but handled that extremely differently. They both had been deeply affected by the presence of Bill Cipher.

Her family was ripped apart, her father practically mutilated (though temporarily). Their finances suffered, the family reputation suffered more. Pacifica was left to fend for herself until she was found by Stan Pines and taken in to use his freak shack as shelter. She was forced to deal with strange creatures and stranger girls. She had to find solace getting to know a unicorn that was just as petty and angry and overwhelmed as she was.

Robbie had been taken, frozen by the flying eyeballs and used as another piece of Bill Cipher’s throne, all because he wanted to take a selfie. She respected that in a way. It was almost a ‘screw the world, I still live for me’ move and that kind of anarchy moved her.

They never talked until the High School’s art club (her parents told her that pretty girls didn’t take science classes so she was pushed into art and theatre instead) took a school trip to a museum of knock-off paintings and nearly having a panic attack upon seeing a faux Picasso. It’s disjointed and misplaced features made her think of her father, on his knees and screaming as his face was rearranged.

She disappeared around a corner to dry heave and silently cry and that was when Robbie found her and told her he’d keep watch.

No public panic attacks when there was a law against talking about The Incident, after all.

They’d stuck together ever since.

“Do you still have nightmares?” She asked him suddenly, staring out the window and taking in the normalcy of the town. It was all bright blue sky and evergreen trees.

“Sometimes,” He admitted, a look of distaste crossing his face before he looked at Pacifica quickly and she knew he was going to change the subject, “Hey, how’s the horse? Still treating you like royalty because of that unicorn?”

Pacifica laughed, “Robbie, he’s a pony. And yes, Jack is fine.”

“Why’d you name him that again? You seem like a ‘Buttercup’ or ‘Sugarplum’ kind of girl.”

“As a way to sort of honor a huge turning point in my life,” She informed him, picking a CD out of the booklet and trading the currently playing album with it. “My house was haunted by the ghost of a lumberjack. It was a huge thing.”

Robbie snorted at that and made the turn towards the parking lot as Pacifica skipped to her favorite song of the album. “Your house used to be haunted. My yard is full of zombies.” He shook his head slowly. “This is our lives.”

“Are those new lyrics I hear, Broken Heart?”

“Shut up, Llama Girl.”

Robbie parked and they sat, listening to the music for a moment as they watched people enter and exit the mall. Pacifica fiddled with her seatbelt, gnawing her lip nervously as the self-doubt started rolling in her gut. She could push the limits with her parents but would this be going too far? Would they ship her off to some snobby boarding school where she’d either have to turn into a bully to survive or be a loaner?

“Hey, kid, you alright?”

Pacifica blinked out of her thoughts and looked at Robbie, “I’m not sure about this,” She started, “What if my parents…”

“Well there’s your problem,” He interrupted, “You’re putting the wrong person first.”

She stared at the teenager before a tentative smile spread across her face when his words began to sink in. “How much do you think your parents will go for if I convinced Daddy to buy you as my older brother?”

He unbuckled his seatbelt as he gave her an unamused look, “What makes you think I want to live with your parents?” He asked and he hesitated for a moment, opening the door a crack, “I pretty much told Tambry and the guys that you’re like my kid sister anyway.”

“Really?”

A scowl crossed his face and he waved his hand at her, “Don’t get mushy about it or it’ll get weird.”

Pacifica only smiled at him as she climbed out of the van and trotted around the back to stand at his side. As they walked, he moved her around to his left side so that he’d be closer to the road and his hand on her shoulder – an action she assumed was so that he could yank her out of the way in case a car lost control on the slick pavement.

Mushy indeed.

They entered the mall and Pacifica inhaled the familiar and comforting scent of shopping. This was her zone, where her little fourteen-year-old mind could create the wildest ideas and she’d most likely find the parts to make them reality.

And today’s idea was a little more Pacifica and a little less Northwest.

“Whydon’twejustgoseeamovieinstead,” She said in one breath, the fear of her parents’ reactions striking her again and she turned on her heel to head back out the door.

Robbie caught her however, “Oooh no you don’t.” He told her, “Last week you gave me twenty bucks to force you to do this and I’m going to do just that.”

She whined and he rolled his eyes, taking her hand and pulling her towards ‘Edgy on Purpose’. “Robbie, maybe this just…maybe it’s not me? I mean, what if I’m just supposed to be like this and I can’t just change because I think it’s a good idea on a whim. You can keep the twenty, Robbie! I swear!”

He ignored her and they stopped in front of the store. He went down on one knee to look her in the eye and as she watched him bend his knee, she was reminded of a stork. “How about this,” He suggested, “We don’t have to get you a full outfit. We’ll just find you a band shirt that you can wear as pajamas or whatever and then we’re out of here.”

She fidgeted under his gaze but his proposition was fair. A band shirt to use as pajamas and maybe to just wear when she was out with Robbie wouldn’t be so bad. Plus, it would be easy to hide under a jacket or sweater when she was home so she could avoid the scrutiny of her parents.

“Only if we stop by the department store and I set you up with a new skincare regiment.” She countered, still trying to find some sort of comfort in her moment of unease. If she did this dangerous thing, she’d be able to find herself in the comfort of a beauty department soon enough.

“My Mom said it’s just hormones.”

Pacifica grabbed Robbie by the shoulders, “Give me the chance and I can make your skin flawless. No blemishes. No acne. Not clogged pores. And we can get you that eyeliner I lent you.”

“You mean the one that just glides on?”

“Your own pencil.” She confirmed.

Robbie nodded a little too eagerly and he stood up, “You’ve got yourself a deal, Llama Girl.”

Pacifica smiled at him, pleased that they’d be doing something she genuinely enjoyed and turned toward the store, convinced she could make Robbie’s face so beautiful that Tambry would cry actual tears for Pacifica making her boyfriend like twenty percent cuter.

She looked towards the store and frowned. Had it always been this poorly lit? And were the employees always so intimidating to look at? Is this how all the kids she’d teased felt? Like a gazelle in need of a drink being eyed by a hungry lion near the watering hole?

She’d never felt this way when shopping. It was her solace. Her home away from…well…she felt like this at home when her parents decided to get involved in her life. Until she met the Pines family and then Robbie and eventually his parents, she thought that was simply how parents made their children feel. It was supposed to make their child stronger than coddling ever would.

And yet she felt so weak in this moment, facing the unknown as she sought out a better self. A self her parents would definitely disapprove of.

“Also, you have to hold my hand.”

Pacifica was expecting Robbie to turn her down but instead he held out his hand to her, a reassuring smile on his face. Pacifica took his hand, feeling very much like she was filling the role of little sister as he pulled her into the store. She huddled close to him as he nodded to the cashier half-snoozing at the register and he pulled her to the back of the store.

The fake brick wall was covered with a large display of various band shirts. Most of them were black with band logos or held the pictures of album covers and Pacifica stared up at it, her eyes skirting away from the ones that resembled the end of the world and looking for a recognizable logo.

“Oh,” Robbie started, pulling her to the right side of the wall and pointing up towards the third shirt from the top, “You pretty much stole all of their albums off of me.”

“I give them back.” Pacifica replied curtly, staring up at the black shirt with the familiar maroon colored logo. “Is there one in my size?”

Robbie let go of her hand to search the shirts for a small and only had a medium to offer, “You’ll grow into it,” He assured her.

She studied the shirt, reached out to feel the quality of the cotton and use her nail to scrape at the screen printing, “It’ll do,” She allowed.

“Well, if it suits your tastes, Princess,” Robbie snarked, bowing teasingly before scooping up her hand again and pulling her to the cash register.

Pacifica let her eyes wander now as she eyed a couple of cute dresses and some shirts with jokes she didn’t understand. Scanning the racks, she jerked to a stop at the sight of a familiar garment and she tugged on Robbie’s hand eagerly, “Hey, it’s your hoodie!”

Robbie looked down at her and then up at the hoodie, “Yeah, I bought it here years ago.” He replied nonchalantly.

Pacifica straightened up, “I want one.”

“What did I say about making things weird?” Robbie asked with a scowl.

Pacifica blinked a few times, pressing some urgency towards her tear ducts to make her eyes glossy and she poked out her bottom lip, “But Robbie, I’d really like to have it. It’ll be like I’ve got my unofficial big brother with me.”

Robbie squinted at her, “Are you trying to play me?”

“Is it working?”

“You were completely against coming in here and now you want a shirt _and_ a hoodie?” Robbie asked, ignoring her question. She squeezed his hand in response and he sighed before dragging her to the cashier counter and setting the shirt in front of the employee, “Can we get one of those hoodies with the stitched up heart in a size medium while we’re at it?”

The employee looked at him and then Pacifica, “We have one in small.” She replied in a dull tone.

Pacifica gave her a stern look, “I want to grow into it.” She informed.

“Whatever.”

* * *

“I can’t believe these things come in black!”

Pacifica smiled as Robbie admired the box holding his Clarisonic facial cleanser. The woman at the department store explained that the rotating brush heads would help shrink Robbie’s pores and the cleanser they purchased would help deep clean his skin. That, along with moisturizer, night cream and a face mask cream, would take care of Robbie’s skin for the most part and whatever was left on his face would actually be left to hormones.

“Well, duh, black is chic.”

“I don’t know about chic,” Robbie responded as he tucked the box back into his shopping bag, “But it is cool.”

Pacifica snorted and shifted her grip on her bag. After their purchase at ‘Edgy on Purpose’, Pacifica made Robbie wait as she ran to the bathroom to pull on her new shirt and hoodie. Her top and jacket were buried away in her shopping bag and she ignored Robbie’s original protests that they would look like huge dorks wearing the same sweater.

She was aware of that but she opted to instead take a page out of the book of Mabel Pines and simply not give a darn.

“Buy me a pretzel.” She ordered.

“I just bought over three hundred bucks of facial care products,” Robbie reminded her.

“I’ll lend you the money.”

Robbie made an annoyed noise at the back of his throat but they both wandered towards the food court anyway. Robbie groaned loudly, however, at the familiar sight of the group of teenagers he associated with.

Pacifica had met the teens before and they were nice enough, welcoming even, but sometimes they were just too loud, too messy, and just too much to handle all at once (she didn’t know _how_ she was going to deal with them at a party with even more teens). Right now, they sat at a table, surrounding poor Thompson (she had a soft spot for the poor boy) and chanting his name as he scarfed a plateful of pretzel wrapped mini-dogs.

“Are you sure you want that pretzel?”

Too late to answer as Wendy caught sight of them. “Hey! Robbie! Get over here, man!”

Robbie groaned and pulled Pacifica along with him, hand on her wrist and not her hand this time, and she dutifully followed along. “What are you guys doing here?” He asked casually.

“What does it look like?” Lee responded before curiously eyeing Robbie’s bag and then scanning Pacifica’s sweater in amusement, “What are you two up to?”

Pacifica looked up to see Robbie’s face turning red and she casually crossed her arms over her chest to hide the heart. This seemed to catch Wendy’s attention because Wendy quickly slapped Lee in the arm, “Can it, dude. You’d do the same thing if you had a mini-teen to hang with.”

Robbie relaxed next to Pacifica and she allowed herself to relax as well, smiling at Wendy.

She always thought Wendy was attractive in a rugged sort of way.

It may have been possible at some point for her to develop a crush on Wendy thanks to her fierce loyalty and kindness but after hearing that she’d broken Robbie’s heart and that Dipper had a crush on her nearly the entire summer, Pacifica shut that down quickly. She and Dipper were friends now but she did not want to have the same taste in girls as he did.

Was that something she had now? A taste in girls?

 _Oh_.

“It’s hardly fair that you get two,” Lee argued.

“Candy, Grenda, and I have a bond.” Wendy explained.

“Hey, Pacifica.”

Pacifica phased out Wendy and Lee’s bickering to look at Tambry as she smiled kindly and patted the chair next to her. Pacifica glanced up at Robbie, who shrugged, and she happily made way to sit next to Tambry, settling in her seat. Robbie came behind them, putting his hands on Tambry’s shoulders affectionately and a smile played at Pacifica’s lips.

He was such a romantic.

“We should do something about all this blonde before the party tonight,” Tambry told Pacifica, putting down her phone for once to braid a bit of Pacifica’s hair. “I’m thinking a lilac streak in your hair.”

Pacifica brightened immensely at the idea of a cool, older girl coloring her hair for a big party where all the cool kids would be there – it was such a feminist chick flick cliché and she fell for it every time she watched such a movie.

“Okay!”

“No way!” Robbie interrupted. “You dye her hair and I’m the one her parents are going to contract a hitman to kill!”

Pacifica snorted at Robbie’s accuracy and Tambry sighed, rolling her eyes. “We’ll just use hair chalk then.” She replied before looking across the table, “Wendy, Pacifica and I are going to do hair chalk tonight, you and your minions better be game.”

“Not minions,” Wendy corrected in exasperation, “Co-Ass Kickers. Anyway, I don’t know what Candy and Grenda are planning – they’re going to the party with Mabel.”

Pacifica felt her heart stutter, “ _Mabel’s_ back?” She asked a little too loudly.

Was this mall suddenly really hot?

“Yeah, dude,” Wendy replied, “She and Dipper arrive early tonight for Winter Break.”

“Is she going to the sleepover?” _Oh God_ , did her voice just crack?

Wendy shook her head, giving her a funny little smile that seemed a little too knowing for Pacifica’s liking. Was it _that_ obvious that the news of Mabel Pines returning, even if for a couple of weeks, was enough to get Pacifica’s heart racing in a way she couldn’t quite place? Was her blush visible through her makeup?

“Just the party and then she and Dipper are going to kick it at the Mystery Shack for the night,” Wendy explained, “We’ll have another slumber party though,” She gave Tambry a pointed look, “Where we can use all the hair chalk we want.”

“Whatever,” Tambry replied, tucking Pacifica’s braid behind her ear and picking up her phone again.

Robbie nudged Pacifica gently and she looked up at him in curiosity. His face was sympathetic and she bit back an agonized groan of self-pity. “You said you’d give me cash to buy you a pretzel,” He reminded. “Though, I have no idea why you can’t just do it yourself…”

She laughed and passed him a twenty, giving him a wink – pushing down the butterflies in her gut and trying to play it cool, “A little something for my good friend Tambry and her boyfriend while you’re at it.”

“Don’t think I won’t spend this whole bill on pretzels, Princess.”

“Don’t think I didn’t forget I said I’d lend you the money,” Pacifica reminded.

Robbie scoffed, kissed Tambry’s cheek and went off to the pretzel stand. Tambry looked up from her phone, giving Pacifica a curious look before offering a coy smile.

“You know, if you were three years older I’d probably feel threatened by the fact that you’ve got Robbie wrapped around your little finger.” She commented.

Pacifica wrinkled her nose, “Ew, he’s like a big brother to me!”

Tambry only laughed and went back to playing with her cellphone. Pacifica realized that the tense feeling she had when they first arrived at the mall had been replaced by a completely new kind of knot in her stomach.

* * *

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“You’re going to tell me anyway. It’s not like I have a choice.”

Pacifica scowled at her reflection over Robbie’s head, mouth a thin line as she willed herself not to strangle the attitude out of her friend. Instead, she clasped an eyebrow hair in a particularly sensitive part of his face and yanked hard.

Robbie yelped and covered his eyebrow. “Pacifica, what the hell?!”

“I think I like girls.” She informed him. She then winced, bracing herself for some sort of backlash from her surrogate sibling but Robbie sat, the neutral expression he usually kept slowly returning to his face as he recovered from her attack. “Well?”

“Well what?”

Pacifica sighed softly and grasped his chin, working at the lesser hairs to help prevent him from getting an angry unibrow, “That’s kind of a big thing isn’t it? People sort of always make it a big thing, right?” She leaned back, nodded and then grabbed some clips from her hair bag to reinforce his bangs.

Robbie stared up at Pacifica with a concerned frown, “You do know the town’s police officers are like madly in love, right?”

“But isn’t it different because I’m a girl?” Pacifica asked.

“Why would it be?”

“I don’t know…I just…people started treating me differently and expecting me to act differently when I started getting these when I was eleven,” She gestured to her chest and Robbie made a choked noise that she pointed at dramatically, “Exactly that! So if two lumps can do so much then what’s _this_ going to do to me?”

“Pacifica,” Robbie started, shifting on the closed toilet seat uncomfortably, worry written clearly all over his face. She felt her eyes stinging and didn’t entirely know if it was frustration or upset and with whom she felt this way. “This is kind of coming out of left field.”

“I know, I just…” She fluttered her hands to find the words before they began to spill out without thought, “I’ve been thinking about it a lot and today it sort of hit me. And we always talk about everything together like the nightmares and how our parents drive us crazy so I thought maybe…”

“Wow, okay, you’re panicking,” Robbie grabbed her shoulders and steered her to sit down on the edge of the tub before getting up and opening the small bathroom window to let the cool air blow through and give her a fresh breath. “It’s a big thing if you make it a big thing,” Robbie explained, turning around to look at her again but pausing only briefly when he saw how she’d clipped back his hair in the mirror. He opted not to say anything about it and instead only turned his full attention on Pacifica again. “And your parents might make it a big thing but if they love you – and they do – then they’ll deal with it. I, for one, don’t care and if you ever need a place to crash or whatever, my Mom’s basically asking me about you every day anyway.”

She managed to laugh a little, pressing her hand against her chest as she caught up with her breath and was already feeling much better. “Thanks.”

“It’s Mabel Pines, isn’t it?”

Pacifica let out a whining groan, “I don’t know how it happened,” She complained, “She was always so…confident and amazing. I never knew how to deal with it and then the whole…thing happened and she only got weirder and _cooler_ somehow? And did you see that selfie she posted now that her braces are off?”

Pacifica realized she was rambling and snapped her mouth closed to stare at Robbie with large eyes and the heat of her own embarrassment crawling up her neck and to her ears.

He only gave her a small, understanding laugh.

“There’s hope for you yet, Llama Girl,” He told her in understanding, “Mabel’s pretty cool. You’ve got good taste and I support it.”

Pacifica leapt up from her sitting position, flinging her arms around Robbie’s neck and hugging him tightly. She didn’t know what she would have done if he weren’t so understanding and supportive. If he’d given her any sort of flack for liking _Mabel Pines_ of all people after spending a summer bullying the poor girl.

If anything positive ever came out of the whole Apocalypse thing, it was that she had met Robbie and she felt a sick, twisted sort of thanks for Bill Cipher because of it.

“What did I say about making things weird?” Robbie complained despite hugging her back.

She laughed, ignoring him in order to just burrow her face into his shoulder and fist his sweater into her hands. “Sorry, I just…it’s been tough, you know? Struggling with…well…”

“Asshole parents, gay thoughts, and what is probably undiagnosed PTSD?” Robbie guessed.

“Yeah, all of that,” She replied softly, taking in the smell of way too much cologne. “I think I’m having a ‘growing up’ crisis. Like…is the rest of my life going to be this messy? I used to be so put together but today has been one moment of _vulnerability_ after another.”  
  
“Nah, you were what your parents put together,” Robbie replied, pushing her back to look her in the eye, “Now you’re taking that Pacifica apart and piecing together a new one. Once you’re finished putting that puzzle together, it’ll probably get better.” He smiled, “Probably.”

“That was…absurdly profound of you,” She commented, smiling back.

“I have my moments,” He grinned before looking at her seriously, “Now hurry up, I smell cookies baking and I want them fresh.”

* * *

“I like that purple in your hair. You look beautiful.”

“I know.”

Pacifica ignored Robbie choking on his soda due to his laughter and pushed aside the boy who was trying to process what had just happened to him. She had those kinds of conversations often – boys who went be a mental script and didn’t know what to say when she didn’t follow it.

Honestly, telemarketers recovered better.

There was absolutely no sign of Mabel yet except for her loud, somewhat nasal voice announcing her presence at the entryway of whoever’s house this was. There was a bit of a cheer considering how strangely popular Mabel managed to make herself after one summer, but then she went and disappeared before Pacifica could even _see_ her.

She did, however, catch sight of Dipper and proceeded to push her way to him as he talked excitedly with Wendy about something but he stopped as soon as he saw her.

They both looked at each other appraisingly.

He’d grown since she last saw him, a good inch or so taller than her now and he didn’t seem like he quite knew how to handle his newly longer limbs. The awkwardness of puberty kept its firm grasp on him and he had no idea how to hold himself other than slightly hunching his shoulders.

“Dipper.”

“Pacifica.”

“Still awkward, I see.”  
  
“Still dying your hair blonde, I see.”

And then they were wrapping each other in a tight hug and she was thankful that he’d come back but also _extremely_ thankful that he’d figured out how to shower regularly despite the fact that she was now choking on whatever body spray he was now using to cover up his smell of boy sweat. Still, she buried her face in his flannel covered shoulder and soaked up the attention of one of the first people to give her a real chance.

She pulled away, they smiled at each other and then she gave him a good shove. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?!”

“Mabel and I wanted to keep it a secret! We only told Wendy.” Dipper laughed as Wendy gave a not-so-apologetic shrug, “And it was sort of last minute. Grunkle Stan and Great Uncle Ford called us up to let us know they were staying with Soos for Christmas and invited us up.”

“Aren’t you Jewish?”

Dipper shrugged, “Two gift giving holidays. Who am I to complain?”

Pacifica’s laugh was cut short when she heard Mabel’s voice ring out over the group with a loud ‘Wendy!!!’. The heat came back, crawling up her neck and checks and Dipper seemed to notice because a particularly sinister look made its way onto his face.

_Stupid intuitive jerk._

“Hey, Mabel!” Wendy was greeting, hugging Mabel as the other girl flung her arms around Wendy’s middle. “Long time no see. Loving the smile.”

Mabel grinned extra hard up at her and laughed, “Yeah, it’s pretty great being able to pull on my sweaters without worrying about them getting caught in my braces and pulling at the yarn.”

“That has literally happened to no one else but you,” Dipper informed her, pulling Mabel’s attention from Wendy and to the people surrounding her.

Her eyes locked with Pacifica’s and she might as well have reached into Pacifica’s chest and squeezed her heart as hard as she could. Her throat was suddenly super dry and her face felt hot and despite being a room full of rowdy, loud teenagers, she couldn’t hear a thing. It was dizzying and Mabel’s growing smile made it better and worse at the same time.

“Hi Mabel.” She managed to greet weakly.

“Pacifica,” Mabel replied, “Hi.”

Pacifica barely noticed Dipper mutter something in that snarky jerk way of his and he and Wendy took off to leave them awkwardly staring at each other awkwardly.

They’d of course kept in touch. Texting, snapchat, and facetiming for the most part but Dipper had convinced her to get a Discord account for some dumb reason and dragged her into a server with them and some of the other kids in Gravity Falls. It was a place where they _could_ talk about the weird and terrible things they experienced without repercussions.

It was like group therapy where they made memes about their trauma.

Despite keeping in touch and seeing all the selfies and having video calls – Pacifica wasn’t prepared for just how _pretty_ Mabel was. With her braces off, there seemed to be something special about how she smiled. It was the same smile but there was something extra to it that Pacifica couldn’t place. And that extra something added a special little sparkle to her eyes.

It made Pacifica’s stomach flip.

She was wearing one of her sweaters – a Mabel original that was green with a brown shape of Oregon knitted into it (Pacifica had a feeling she power knitted it on the bus ride in order to have it ready for their arrival). She’d cut her hair so it was a cute bob that made her curls extra bouncy and while she wasn’t wearing make-up, her cheeks were pink and her lips seemed extra shiny.

_Was she wearing lipgloss???_

Pacifica was doomed.

“You look-“

“I like your-“

“Sorry!” Both girls stared at each other as they said the word in unison, the tension leaving Pacifica as they both laughed and met each other for a tight hug.

“It’s good to see you, Mabel,” Pacifica told her earnestly.

“I missed you!” Mabel replied and Pacifica realized they were _still_ hugging and it seemed like it should have been longer than a normal hug but she wasn’t going to object.

Not when Mabel smelled like cinnamon.

“I missed you too,” Pacifica confessed and they eventually pulled away from each other, though their hands seemed to linger in their touch.

“I really like that purple in your hair,” Mabel complimented, “You look so beautiful!”

“I…Th-Thank you,” Pacifica stumbled over her words, her tongue feeling thick suddenly. “Your…Your hair is really cute. It suits you.”

“You think it’s cute?”

Pacifica found herself nodding, “Yeah, I mean,” She had to be bold. Mabel respected that. “You’ve always been cute but…”

Mabel stared at her with those big, chocolate eyes of hers and it was like no one else was in the room. Pacifica feared that maybe she overstepped a boundary. That maybe Mabel would have a limit to just how much she could be complimented and Pacifica reached that limit. Or maybe Mabel liked Pacifica as a pen pal but being back in Gravity Falls reminded her of just how awful Pacifica was to her during the summer.

Mabel reached out and found her fingers again, “Do you want to dance?”

* * *

She was having a good time.

_She was having a good time._

But now it was two in the morning, her friends were all asleep and the darkness was choking her. It was tightening its grip around her throat to the point where she couldn’t’ breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t do much of anything other than clamber into the safety of Wendy’s bathroom, lock the door and crawl into the tub. She pulled the curtain closed for good measure and counted her breaths.

The glare of her phone hurt her eyes when she unlocked it, staring at the time as the minutes ticked by. She was not getting calmer however, and her stomach twisted in self-hate over what she was about to do.

She tapped a couple of buttons and pressed the phone to her hear, curling up tighter in the tub as she listened to the phone ring once, twice, thri-

“Whu?”

“Can you come get me?”

There was shuffling, grumbling, a curse that she was certain she wasn’t meant to hear before more shuffling, “You’re at Wendy’s right?”

She felt some of the tension leave her shoulders. It must have been the tone in her voice because Robbie wasn’t even complaining about the fact that she was calling him in the middle of the night, waking him up obviously, and asking him to break curfew to come get her. She knew that if she explained to his parents, he wouldn’t get in trouble but she appreciated it nonetheless that he was willing to risk punishment _for her._

He was certainly good at the whole ‘big brother’ thing.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m at Wendy’s.”

“Does she know you’re taking off?” Robbie asked. He was obviously trying to distract her with some sort of conversation and she appreciated it but it also made her feel terrible.

Her first sleepover with girls she could _trust_ and she was bailing because her stupid brain couldn’t realize she was perfectly safe.

“I’ll leave a note,” She assured, finally crawling out of the tub.

“Alright. I’ll be there in five.”

He hung up on that note and Pacifica felt more tension leave her body as she unlocked the door and tip-toe back into the living room where everyone slept. Careful not to wake anyone, she gathered her things and pulled on her new hoodie and her winter coat. She looked around nervously for a piece of paper, gasping when her eyes met Wendy’s in the dark.

Without a word, Wendy slid out of her sleeping spot and helped Pacifica finish gathering her things. They walked to the front door and waited outside in silence as Robbie’s crappy van pulled up and slowed to a stop.

Pacifica accepted her bag from Wendy. “Thank you.” She said softly, still embarrassed that she was bailing on a slumber party in the middle of the night.

“It happens to the best of us,” Wendy assured, pulling Pacifica into a surprisingly firm hug, “We’ll try again sometime, yeah?”

Pacifica hesitated, her face feeling warm as she was being held by Wendy and she reluctantly hugged back because she _wasn’t_ a hugger despite the fact that she eagerly hugged the Pines twins and Robbie earlier in the day and she was pretty sure Wendy wasn’t that much of a hugger either. “Yeah,” She croaked.

Wendy let go of her and she gave a half-hearted wave before trudging her way to Robbie’s van. Robbie sent Wendy a wave through the open door and they watch Wendy wave back before going back into her house in silence. Robbie seemed to wait a moment, watching Pacifica as she buckled up and sighed heavily, staring down into her lap and waiting for him to say whatever he was going to say.

Instead, he put the van into drive and headed back the way he came, the radio turned down low so they could talk when they chose to.

Pacifica’s eyes were beginning to sting and she knew it wasn’t from being tired. Robbie, for the most part, ignored her as they silently left the residential areas of town and instead made their way in the same direction as the mall. She was outright crying by the time they made it into the drive-thru of a local fast food joint and Robbie ordered, Pacifica too busy trying to suppress her tears to say anything.

The next thing she knew, they were driving again, parking in an empty lot across the street and Robbie put his seat in a more relaxed state the moment the van was in park. She looked up, her eyes feeling puffy (ugh) and blinked a bit when he offered her an ice cream cone.

“It’s freezing outside.”

He rolled his eyes, “If you don’t want it…”

“I didn’t say that,” Pacifica replied hastily, reaching out and accepting her ice cream cone and some napkins from Robbie.

They nursed their ice creams for a few moments, making sure their cones weren’t in imminent danger before Robbie opted to speak again. “So, you hung out with Mabel a lot tonight.” He commented idly and Pacifica wasn’t sure if she was thankful that he brought this particular subject up instead of the reason she’d called him.

She leaned more towards thankful since the thought of her and Mabel, spinning and dancing and laughing brought a pleasant warmth that rubbed away at the thoughts of her panic attack like stains on tile.

“Yeah, I guess I did,” She replied idly, giving him a pointed look as she worked at her ice cream.

“Did you make a move?” Robbie asked.

The heat that had been haunting her face all night returned once again and Pacifica all but shoved the remaining ice cream sitting atop her cone in her mouth as an effort to distract her and bye some time to gather herself in order to respond to Robbie’s stupid question.

She did not consider that brain freeze was a thing.

Robbie snorted as she groaned and rubbed at her temple, curling over her ice cream as the brain freeze hit her hard and mercilessly. He gave her back a little pat as she squeezed her eyes shut to focus on shooing her brain freeze away and when she sat back up, flipping her hair coolly and looking at him with her calm, collected Northwest gaze, he only gave her an expectant look.

“I. Did not.”

Robbie barked out a laugh at that.

“You’re hopeless.”

“I am not!” Pacifica whined, “It’s just…she just came back and maybe I’m just trying to see if maybe she likes girls before I put myself out there…”

“You know she likes girls.” Pacifica shot him a look and he shrugged, “It’s literally in her Twitter bio that she’s Pan, Llama Girl, you can’t use that one as an excuse.” He jerked at the lever next to his seat, sending him leaning back as he nursed his now ice cream-less cone, “And you know the longer you put it off, the more likely someone else is going to come and swoop her up. She’s kind of a catch.”

“Well, what about the distance?” Pacifica asked.

“You’ll figure it out.” He replied and the way he said it made her think that maybe she _will_ figure it out. That if he was so sure of it, why shouldn’t she be?

After all, she was Pacifica Northwest and she got whatever she wanted when she put her mind to it.

And she wanted to ask Mabel Pines out on a date.

“Next time I see her, I’m going to make my move.” She announced, giving Robbie a determined look as he crunched away on his ice cream cone. “I’m going to ask her out.”

“Good on you,” Robbie encouraged before looking at his phone. “Hey, it’s pushing three. Where should I take you?”

Pacifica sighed softly, staring out the window. She didn’t exactly want to go home; it would be frustrating if she woke her parents up but she didn’t want to bother Robbie’s parents by crashing on their couch. She knew they’d be accommodating (they always were) but it would be awkward to explain to them why she was there and how she ended up there. It was a bit of a conundrum but…if she was going to bother anyone’s parents, it may as well be her own.

“My house,” She replied flatly.

He held out his hand and she gave him her abandoned ice cream cone wafer, which he bit into while readjusting his seat and buckling back up. She made sure she was buckled up as well as he started the van and her hands immediately made their way to the CD player, flipping through the songs of the CD she’d put in earlier I the day.

Robbie took his time driving her home, partly because the roads were icy and partly because he probably knew she had to build herself up to getting home. She didn’t know if she’d be able to successfully sneak in and even then, once her parents found her in the morning, they’d pretty much interrogate her with questions as to why she was home so early.

“Robbie?”

“Mm?”

“Today was fun,” She smiled softly at him, “Thank you.”

He glanced at her quickly before giving the road his attention again. “What did I tell you about getting mushy?” He asked.

She hummed and looked out her window, smiling.

* * *

Sneaking into the house and to her room was a successful mission. She’d thankfully taken the time to learn where all the creaky boards were so she was able to avoid them effortlessly. She was in her room within minutes after wishing Robbie a good night (morning) and thanked him once again for coming to her rescue.

She was quick to climb into bed and snuggle up under the thick covers, sighing contently as she was safe in her bed. She rolled on her side and pulled out her phone glancing at the time to see that it was half past three and she _really_ needed to get to sleep or else she wouldn’t be a functioning human later.

She set her phone aside and closed her eyes, ready to sleep.

They cracked open again when she heard the buzz of a text message from her phone.

Pulling it closer, she expected Robbie to tell her she’d forgotten something in his van or inform her that he’d gotten home safely as he was one to do during particularly icy drives (because she worried and he humored her).

Mabel: Hey Pacifica! Sorry about the supppper early text but I can’t sleep lol

Mabel: I had a lot of fun at the party and I was wonderingggg

Mabel: do u mayyybe want to go see a movie or something???


End file.
